The owner, however, will never be the same. But eventually, they will find another place to eat. The patrons of that restaurant will miss eating there, and will feel saddened at its loss. But then there’s a fire, and suddenly the restaurant is no longer there.
It’s a wonderful restaurant, with a lot of loyal and happy customers. The only person who could share the weight of these concerns was my husband”. Since then, I’ve used this example. But here’s the thing…in the end, whatever happens just won’t affect them the same way it would affect me. “My friends are great,” she said, “when I share a worry about my daughter or grandson, they’ll nod and show compassion and concern. Even a very caring network of support can’t replace this one thing we had: a shared and equally vested interest in the outcome of each other’s lives. A widow pointed this out to me, and boy was she right.And for most widows and widowers I speak to, nothing feels worse than that. The friends themselves may hesitate (or all out avoid) inviting the griever along for fear that this newly single person will feel out of place. The problem isn’t just the griever who may feel awkward in a setting that is mostly couples. And unfortunately being part of a bigger group or going to a party isn’t necessarily any easier. Sure, some people will do these things on their own, but for most these activities were reserved for their spouse or partner. Going out to dinner, going to the movies, taking a vacation. We don’t even notice how much of a couples world it is until we’re no longer part of it. It’s a couples world and socializing after the loss of a spouse is never the same. This comes up just about every time I facilitate a group for widow and widowers.Our loved ones are well intentioned, there’s no doubt, but here is what most grievers who have lost a spouse would want those around them to understand: This can be felt any time someone tries to cheer us up, smooth it over, or make it better. Every part of our past, present, and future revolved around this person, and to be without them is harder, sadder, and lonelier than we ever could have guessed.Īnd here’s the thing…not only is it harder than we could have thought the people we spend time don’t always seem to recognize the depth and duration of this loss. This is who we made our plans with…the one who shared our worries. For many, this was the person we spent most of our time with. Everything changes after the loss of a spouse or partner.
0 kommentar(er)
